The grudge goal

It feels like the definition for ableism has changed over the years. At one time it was taboo to suggest someone with a disability could not achieve a goal. But now the terms ableism and classism are thrown around simply for promoting a goal like “write every day” a bit too zealously.

“Stop being insensitive. Some people can’t write every day because they’ve got no hands.”

At one level I can understand why people want to make this kind of point. Telling someone with a full schedule to write every day can be a bit like saying “make your bed every morning” to someone with deep depression. But I also worry that this protective instinct can be just as harmful to someone’s psyche. It reduces the person to an infant who needs to be coddled when they really just need an accommodation.

Or if not accommodation, a recognition of their own agency. Ultimately it’s up to the individual to decide what they can and cannot do based on their own understanding of their constraints.

I have found (but I don’t know if it’s universal) that I’m better off if I see my constraints as a choice rather than an imposition.

It’s not a failure to give up on a goal. It’s better to say it out loud: “I have an anxiety disorder, and sometimes I have to prioritize my mental health over my writing.” Otherwise I end up with a grudge goal that malingers and steeps in resentment. Parents are allowed to prioritize their children. Entrepreneurs can focus on their business. Don’t let the grudge goal murder what you have decided to defend.

A grudge goal can be a bit like a zombie. It died a long time ago, but it keeps rising from the grave because it hasn’t been given a proper burial.

Bury the goal, let it rest in peace, and if constraints change later, the goal can always be revived.