I never thought I'd meditate 10 hours a day for 10 days

I’ve always thought it would be too much sitting for me; I needed to be able to dance, to do yoga.
I’ve always thought the rules were too strict, like getting up at 4 am, no journaling, no yoga, no reading, no dinner.

However, this summer I did it: I’ve meditated for 10 hours a day, for 10 days in a silent retreat in the Swiss mountains. I handed over my phone upon arrival, accepted the rules, and committed to staying for 10 days.

It was hard; I’m not gonna lie.
In fact, it was the hardest I’ve ever done voluntarily.

You’re alone, with your mind, your thoughts and emotions, all the time. It was an emotional rollercoaster for me. Things come up, and many are unpleasant, like fears, anger, grief, tears, and pain. You can’t run away. You can’t distract yourself with food, calling a friend, watching Netflix, reading a book, or even writing about it.

The days seem endless. Time just doesn’t seem to pass: You’re meditating, and it feels like forever, and then you check your watch, and just 5minutes have passed.

Luckily, I didn’t have much physical pain from sitting, unlike many fellow meditators.
Luckily, I could fall asleep despite being a bit hungry.

I’ve learnt to observe all the sensations, pleasant and unpleasant. And that everything arises and eventually passes. It’s the law of impermanence, what they call Anicca. I’ve known this before intellectually; however, it’s a different knowing after having practiced and experienced it for 10 days.

Thanks to that, I’ve processed a lot of emotions; I’ve let go of what no longer serves me and gained peace of mind.

And trust in myself and my body to be able to handle stressful situations, difficult emotions, and pain in the future.

Am I gonna do it again? Probably not.
I’m very grateful though that I did it. That I got to learn that technique and I’m gonna continue to practice it.

I’m full of gratitude for the people who make these kinds of retreats possible, the volunteers who cook and clean, the teacher and assistant teacher, course manager, all the donnors.

Thank you.